How do I know when it's time for a divorce?
Your Question: How do you know when a marriage is not able to be repaired and it’s time to take action towards a divorce?
Hi, thank you for your question. I think the most important quality to have in any relationship is good will. If you have that and want what is best for your relationship and the other person plus you have communication skills you have a much better chance of having a happy relationship. If you aren’t happy I would ask are you looking for something outside yourself to make you happy? Only you know the answer to that.
Happiness comes from inside each of us. I would recommend you read “The Relationship Handbook” by George Pransky. This is helpful in learning communication skills. Also what I teach is the power of the mind and how our thoughts create our reality. If you want to learn more about this I would recommend finding Michael Neil on Youtube and listening to his free messages. There are many other inspiring Three Principles practitioners if you google 3PGC (three principles global community) that you may resonate with but Michael is a great starting point.
My teacher Ron Hulnick at the University of Santa Monica used to say he knew when a couple was ready to end things when they came to see him for a therapy session and they were very amicable with each other. They weren’t angry or upset just wanted to part ways. He said when there was still anger and upset involved he knew they weren’t done. I don’t know if this helps or not for your situation.
When I was at a Three Principles workshop in Seattle with George and Linda Pransky (my mentors in 3 P’s) I met a woman there and asked her how she found out about George and Linda. She said “I came to a workshop here 30 years ago. I had just told my husband I wanted a divorce. After being here for 3 days I learned it wasn’t my husband who I had a problem with, it was my thoughts I was believing about him that upset me. Once I learned it was all in my head I went home and told him what I had learned and we’ve been happily married for 30 years!” Now she teaches the science behind thought.
Walking away is always an option but what if you work on yourself, as a friend of mine did (when she thought she was unhappy in her relationship) and kept evolving to a place where you took complete responsibility for identifying you moods and your thoughts? What if you really understood that happiness is a state of mind and it was all about perspective? When she learned this it was then that her husband also made some shifts and they are happier than they have ever been after being married a very long time.
I often think when you let the other person “off the hook” for being themselves and let them know you love them exactly as they are, they feel safe and do make compromises for the relationship. That’s more difficult when there is pressure or an ultimatum to change or face the consequences… I know this is a long answer but it’s one I’m passionate about. I truly believe so many relationships end because if misunderstanding and lack of loving communication. Good luck and please keep me posted!